The Steam of Commoner Coffee
by Chidori no Tenshi
Summary: A series of interlinked one-shots revolving around our beloved Hitachiins. Status will always be complete, but additions may be made. Note: The title is basically expressing the topic of 'everyday life'. #8 - Hikaru's insecurities.
1. Midnight, A Cup of Tea

Hello, my fellow readers! Here's another fic that I thought up. Hope you like it, and that it meets your expectations! XD

P.S. Special thanks to **Voidance**; your support keeps me going, truly. So I wanted to say thanks very much! :D (And sorry this took so long!! )

Note: References to the manga, especially chapter 45

Another note: THIS FIRST ONE-SHOT IS EXTREMELY CONFUSING (TO MOST). Some may believe that it is organized very messily, but if you just look a little closer…well, you'll see something hidden behind the obvious words. ;)

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**Midnight, A Cup of Tea**

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It'd surprised me, when Hikaru had one day decided to confide in me. As his father, I feel ashamed sometimes that I can't even stay by my children, with all the business trips that happen in my life. It's the same for Yuzuha too. This is probably why I felt so honoured, so appreciated when Hikaru told _me_, of all people.

Now, this is a considerably difficult subject to take in all at once. So how about I use a little example to make everything clearer?

Hikaru's talent has never been in the arts, whether they be languages, painting, or music. Kaoru is the one for that, and there is no doubt that he does it well. The metaphors that he comes up with stun even me sometimes, the way they're so pure and sincere and oftentimes _simple._ Yet they can be so terrifying at the same time, because they really do reflect the truth. Just like that pumpkin one he'd finally told Hikaru when they'd gotten to their second year of high school. (If you're wondering how I know that, I happened to overhear. Yes. That's right. There's no way I would ever eavesdrop on their conversations. That's just shameless, haha...)

But anyways, the point is that Hikaru's not good at this stuff. He's better at subjects like science and math, where everything is black and white, and there are always either the right answers, or the wrong answers. There's no...in-between. Even so, this isn't to say that he can't come up with metaphors that are just as good as Kaoru's, once in a blue moon, and it isn't to say that he's an extremely logical person either. I think he just likes it better when things are kept simple, that's all. Of course, this can work the other way around too, with Kaoru. He's better at the arts than at sciences, but that isn't to say that he can only see in shades of grey; in fact, sometimes, I think he might be more logical, more rational than Hikaru is.

See how confusing this is? Just when you think you've figured them all out, they show you something new that throws you off. That was only a mere example of my twins' queerness. It's just like what that Suou heir told them before, I would say; they are contradictory, and it's their personality.

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Hikaru had said that he would often find himself wondering: if he didn't exist, or if Kaoru didn't exist, would the other continue to be so contradictory?

I remember the exact words he'd used that night when he'd found me in my study, a cup of tea in my hand. It was a full moon, and the two of us hadn't been able to sleep. He'd said all this nonchalantly as he'd stared off into the distance, as if it were a script that he'd memorized already. "The only reason that we are contradicting anything is because there are two of us, and not just one. '_We_ want to be told apart. _We_ don't want to be told apart.'" Then he'd turned to me with rare, calm eyes.

"But if it's really true that we wouldn't be contradictory anymore if the other twin didn't exist, then being contradictory wouldn't be _personality_. Because personality is someone's own character. It doesn't have anything to do with whether or not they have a twin."

The way his sentences were short and to-the-point, and the way his eyes were clear, yet hard, especially through the refraction of the white moonlight...I knew it was Hikaru. Nevertheless, I still found myself doubting, just a little bit.

"The thing is, without personality, people wouldn't exist. They would only be dolls, right?" A smirk.

"These are some of the things that I think about sometimes, when I get bored." He leaned against the windowsill, and I found myself wondering when my son had grown up. "And I've come down to this conclusion: Our personality is to be naturally contradicting. But there needs to be two of us in order to be contradicting...so without his twin, the one left behind would _not_ have personality. And without personality, people would not exist." He'd turned towards the window again, ignoring the now-slightly-alarmed stare that I was aiming at him.

"In other words, one of us simply cannot exist without the other," he'd stated. I'd opened my mouth, ready to protest to this somewhat ridiculous and messily-linked proof. The way he was talking was slightly frightening, especially for a mere teenage boy. But I could see how this was all making sense. It's just that I didn't quite like it.

But he'd interrupted me before I could say a word. "I guess some would argue that the twin left behind could develop a personality of his own. But that won't really work, because if something else develops, then that person would no longer be completely Hikaru or Kaoru. He would be different.

"But what _is_ true is that being contradicting is not the _only_ part of our personalities. Because we definitely have our differences. Kaoru is the 'nicer' twin, and I'm the 'meaner' twin. But being contradictory, as well as being twins, is a small part of both of our personalities, and it connects us in a way that no one else could see. We are like...a venn diagram. I would be the left side, as the mean twin, while Kaoru the right, the nice twin. "Contradictory twins" would be written in the middle. If that middle part were to be erased, both Hikaru and Kaoru would be missing chunks of themselves." A deep breath, and then he continued.

"And so, we have amended the equation a little to better word the final conclusion," and the triumphant smile on my son, my Hikaru, was so bright and genuine that I felt I couldn't deny him of a thing he wanted if he only asked--

"The Hitachiin twins are completely different people, both on emotional and mental levels, but it's still true that one can't exist without the other."

And I'd felt a chill rush up my spine at what that sentence could possibly imply.

Yet, at the same time, there was a warmth that generated from my heart, spreading softly--something that felt like the summer sun, like chirping birds and vocal waterfalls and viridian plains--through my stomach and eventually all the way to my toes. I felt like I'd finally opened my eyes for once and I was beginning to see who my son...no, my sons are. I felt like I could begin to understand, if only by a little, the way they think, and their little quirks that make them Hikaru and Kaoru. I realized that, in the past, I'd only _thought_ I understood them. After all, I'd never known that Hikaru would be capable of coming up with something so complex. To think that I, their father, could be so extensively and thoroughly misled.

Yes, I was slowly being let in to my twins' minds. However, at the same time, I was finding out just how little I'd known. It was intimidating, to say the least, to have all this information thrown at me all at once.

I'd always been able to tell my twins apart, at the very least, though no one had ever bothered to ask me if I could. (How else could I have known that it was Kaoru standing there at that time, eavesdropping on the conversation between Haruhi and me?) I also knew that I understood them better than Yuzuha did. But now, it was like...I don't know, like I'd graduated from being "the person who understands them the most on this world, though it's still not very much", to "their father". It's a big difference.

So I came to grasp an...awareness, myself, late that night when I crawled back into bed to my wife, when Hikaru had gone back to their room.

They are not yin and yang; that would mean that they are completely opposite of each other, when they can be pretty similar in some ways.

They are not upgraded versions of each other either; one might be better than the other on a specific subject, but they will always be balanced, _equal_.

They are not mirror images; a mirror only clones the original, flipping the second version around to make a reflection. Mirror images are, in effect, the same thing.

So. There's a lot for anyone to think about.


	2. Afternoon, With Stupid Orange Numbers

Hi guys, it's me again. :D Here's the next one-shot, hope you like it! MERRY CHRISTMAS (EVE) TO ALL! ^^

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**Afternoon, With Stupid Orange Numbers**

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Kaoru.

Kaoru?

Well, what can I say?

If anyone ever asked me what I think of Kaoru, I could probably talk for years without stopping. Or maybe I'd just give them a one-word answer, I don't know. Depends on my mood.

In the same way, if anyone ever asked me how it all started...okay, first, I'd be confused as to what they meant. Do they mean the start of the unnatural dependence we have on each other? Do they mean the brotherly-love act? Or are they referring to the point where everything that was supposed to be brotherly turned into something..._different_?

Well, depending on who it is (I'm not very good at coming up with a general answer. An answer you give to Tono just wouldn't work with Kyouya-senpai...), I would probably:

1. Ignore them.

2. Come up with some BS.

3. Distract her by teasing her until she is so smitten that she has completely forgotten the original question.

As for the fourth (and most unlikely) option...well, maybe, I'd start by telling them the moment when we, the infamous Hitachiin twins, were born.

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He was born three minutes later than me. I watched the video, and the little orange numbers in the corner of the screen as the seconds ticked by. It pissed me off because it felt like an eternity as I sat there at the desk. Fast-forwarding wouldn't work either, because I'd already tried, and failed, the last three times. Apparently, the play button did not like to obey orders after a little fast-forwarding. I kept drumming my fingers impatiently, just waiting for those three minutes to pass.

But when they finally did, suddenly, all the stupid screw-ups and wasted time didn't matter anymore. It was as if I'd seen something new about him, something exciting that I'd never dreamed of knowing before.

...

Okay, actually, to tell the truth, he was pretty gross-looking. I mean, I saw myself born just three minutes before him, and I was pretty gross-looking too, and I guess I still wasn't really used to it.

By the way, for those who have never seen newborns before: they look like sticky, little, screaming aliens. Can't forget to mention the blood either. Those movie babies look nothing like the real ones. Honestly, newborns are nasty. I don't understand how women take a look at their babies and start cooing about how adorable it is when it's obviously hideous. Is it post-pregnancy delusions, or hormones, or what?

...But still, he was so wonderful. In a gooey, alienish way. The doctor began panicking when he didn't cry, and I found it the most hilarious thing that we were pissing people off even when we were babies. After making sure that he was indeed breathing, through some miracle without crying, the nurse was given permission to clean him up. She gave him to Mom, but by then Hitachiin Yuzuha-sama was too exhausted, on the verge of passing out. So he was put beside me on a mini bed next to Mom's. Even though our eyes weren't even really open at that time, our hands somehow found each other and didn't let go. The poor doctor had to carry us together to that baby room, and I found myself laughing again at how annoying we were.

It was really nice, seeing that moment when he was born.

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But damn, curse his timing...because right then, while I was feeling like a mushy little mess, the grown version of the baby I'd been watching walked into our room. He found me sitting there with a stupid smile on my face, but I couldn't really help it.

I remember how I jumped up and tackled him to the floor (I couldn't resist...you wouldn't have been able to either), and he stared up at me in surprise from the floor, arms automatically wound around me.

I found that I couldn't believe the alien-thing had turned into the adorable Kaoru I have today.

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Needless to say, I didn't know what to think when I walked into our room and found Hikaru sitting at our desk with a goofy grin on his face. When he heard me, he turned around, the goofiness turning into quick glee. I blinked, and then he was right there in my face...and I was on the floor, pinned down by his sudden tackle. I couldn't help but laugh when I looked up to see his smile, full of joy. "What happened, Hikaru?"

He mock-glared at me, but it looked odd when his eyes were so bright, and his smile so lively. "What? Can't I be happy when the reason for my existence walks into the room?"

I rolled my eyes. How cheesy could he get?

Annoyed, he sighed at me, even though the look in his eyes was fond. He stared at me for a while, before sighing disappointedly again. "Just what can I do to make you blush for real? I mean, not counting the fake Host Club ones."

I rolled my eyes again. "What's so fun about watching my face transform into a tomato-like deformity?"

"You make it sound so disgusting," Hikaru complained, and made a face. I smiled cheekily up at him.

A few comfortable seconds passed like that. We were still on the floor, and Hikaru's body was pressed flush against mine, gently bearing down, and I sunk in the plush carpet. My arms were bent at the elbow, lying palms-up, and Hikaru's forearms, on either sides of my head, supported him. My eyes wandered over him, his expression so endearingly honest. From behind him, the ceiling light shadowed his head. His eyes looked even more...Hikaru-ish than normal.

He leaned in close to me then, and whispered, lips only inches away from my own parted ones, "Your eyelashes are so long. They're longer than mine." I could feel my mouth twitch at the unexpected statement. "And your teeth are so white," he continued. "And your skin is so soft. And your eyes are so warm." A chuckle rumbled from my chest.

"Yeah, yeah, and so are yours."

All of a sudden, Hikaru's eyes began twinkling, as if a light bulb had gone on. His grin split wider, turning wicked. I watched him warily, now slightly intimidated. "What?" I asked.

"Oh, nothing," His hand inched over to mine, and curled around my fingers as he leaned even closer. "I was just...thinking..."

"Of what?" I inquired suspiciously.

He looked as if he was pleased that I'd asked. His eyes darkened and his voice turned husky. "Thinking of the way you _look_, and the _sounds_ you make when I fuck you _senseless_."

I felt the unwelcome heat shoot across my face in an instant. His wicked grin turned evil. "Yes! I'm so good! You look like a fire truck, Kaoru," he snickered.

Then he leaned down, and my mind went blank.


	3. Afternoon, And My Emo Journal

Hi, everyone! Oh my gawd, I'm so sorry that I haven't been updating. It's just been exams, school, drama, more exams, and homework lately. Even now, I still have classes, but they're lighter since right now, it's technically supposed to be "summer break", so I'll have more time to update! Thanks so much for your patience. And thanks so much for sticking around. You have no idea how much I appreciate it.

P.S. Some super special thanks to the following for reviews and subscribing: **Haya Cho, Lithium Suicide, sunshine, (the ever-classic) Anonymous, ILuvHikaruAndKaoru, QT Pie, Oathi, 7thNightmare, Charley Reede, and of course, my beloved fanfic buddy, Voidance. You guys are awesome. **(And I'm very sorry if I missed anyone...I frequently and accidentally delete my fanfic emails...=_=)

Anyway, on to the story! Hope you guys like it!

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**Afternoon, And My Emo Journal**

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_Dear Journal...thing..._

Hikaru groaned, letting his pencil drop to the ground. Kaoru didn't even flinch at the sound of his twin's forehead smacking onto the desktop. "Why the hell do I have to do this, Kaoru? This is stupid!"

He received no response, but he could practically feel the heat of his brother's smirk glaring into the back of his head.

"_Kaoruuuu..._"

His twin sighed smugly, (Hikaru didn't even know people could do that) and the sheets rustled a little as the younger twin shifted on the bed. "Hikaru, will you please just do it? Mom agreed that she wouldn't send us to the shrink if you do, and I really don't want to be sent to the shrink-" he stopped and murmured something that sounded like 'yeah, because our relationship is so damn unacceptable', "-and it's not that big of a deal as you make it out to be."

"Why don't you do it then," Hikaru growled. He could just about _feel_ the presence of Kaoru's smirk widen. The older twin glared down at the hard wood smothering his face.

"No," came the expected answer.

Hikaru groaned again and muttered unintelligibly, pulling himself off the tabletop reluctantly and leaning down to grope at the floor for his pencil. He snatched it and threw it carelessly back on the table, propping his left elbow on the desk. His head leaned on his left hand and he bit the eraser in frustration. Silence. The clock ticked four times, when Hikaru finally scrawled a little on the expensive lined paper.

_Ugh, why the hell do I have to do this? Does putting my thoughts on paper really make them more organized? I mean, I'm just putting the jumbled stuff on paper now instead of leaving it stuck in my brain. Really, does this help? 'Cause I don't think it does._

_...Honestly, I don't think anything will come out of this. In fact, if someone found it, I'd just be _screwed_._

_But I guess since Kaoru went to the trouble of buying it and everything (and I totally don't believe that he had a private talk to Mom about the THING between Kaoru and me, because she would've had an outburst if she'd found out, and she wouldn't have talked to Kaoru privately, since she doesn't even know which is which, but I guess I can humor him, and I'm kind of curious about his motives, too), and since he's insisting...I have no choice but to agree. No one can resist those watery eyes of his anyway._

He paused. "Kaoru."

"Hmm?" Kaoru shifted again, book propped on his bent knee and right hand steadying it.

"I don't know what to write." Hikaru watched the pencil being twirled around by impatient fingers, an unconsciously self-conscious expression plastered on his face.

The younger twin glanced up at him curiously. "What have you written so far?"

Hikaru's face tinted a little. "Dear Journal."

Kaoru snickered. "Nice." Another pause. Hikaru waited. The rustling of thin paper passed the minutes, and the corner of Kaoru's mouth twitched in amusement when he heard Hikaru's foot start tapping the wooden floor. "Well..." The foot stopped. "You can write anything, I think," Kaoru reasoned. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do?" Birds chirped outside the window. Sakura blossoms drifted prettily from branches. Ah, spring. "They're your thoughts, not mine."

Hikaru stared at him blankly. "But, like what? I have no idea what to write. And besides, our thoughts are pretty much the same anyway, so it doesn't matter whether they're my thoughts or your thoughts that I write down."

His twin rolled his eyes and gave up, putting the book down. He looked straight into Hikaru's eyes. "Seriously, _anything_, Hikaru. And no, you can't write _my_ thoughts. You can write about the newest pair of shoes you bought, how the weather is today, school, what you're having fun doing, what you're excited for, the dumb fan girls of the Host Club, our fellow members of the Club...Kyouya-senpai's notebook, Honey-senpai's cake, Mori-senpai's longest dialogue ever, Tono's stupidity...Haruhi...anything else you might like to share but can't share, or just anything random..." his voice quieted near the end and eventually trailed off, as he reached for his book again and pretended to read. Out of the corner of his eye, the Hitachiin watched his twin turn back slowly to the desk. Then, sounds of furious scribbling set off the writing fest.

_Fujioka Haruhi is her name. For my first journal entry, I will write about her._

_I think I loved her. Okay. Whatever. I admit it. I'd loved her like a woman, just like Kaoru had pointed out. _

_I think she was my first love. Well, the first that I'd ever realized anyway._

_Of course it hurt when she got together with Tono. It hurt like having a thousand knives stabbing at my head, and a cloudy weight on my shoulders. But seeing her smile when she was with him...well, I'd say that it was worth it, wouldn't you?_

_But besides that, there was something else, too. And it was really bothering me._

_I think it was Kaoru's face when he'd realized my love, much, much earlier than I had. It was this look that I'd never really understood. A haunted look when he'd found me that day in the rain, both of us drenched to the bone. He'd confronted me about my feelings for Haruhi with such a tortured look, one that I couldn't have understood. _

_I hadn't been sure-was he afraid of losing me? Was he afraid of being left behind?_

_But even these questions hadn't been my own. After all, I'd never once imagined leaving Kaoru in any way. It doesn't make sense. I don't know if I'd be able to do it, if I tried. Because to me, splitting from Kaoru isn't freedom or escape, no matter how I try to look at it. How would I live, if everything I said was involuntarily cut off by my own mouth because I was waiting for another someone to finish my sentence? It would just be me, lone to face the world. Could I brush my teeth in the morning without automatically wiping at the mirrors that were supposed to be fogging because of Kaoru's shower, as he hummed quietly through the subtle tsss of water? Could I close my eyes each night, knowing that when I woke up to the alarm, that it'd still be dark, cold in a bed that was made for two? _

_I mean, leaving is...well, I really can't even imagine it._

_Kaoru._

_All these hidden questions and fears that Kaoru had...I didn't have a clue that they'd existed. It wasn't until I found a journal he'd cleverly hidden that I'd found out. I guess one thing I couldn't quite believe was that Kaoru would have a private journal kept from me. But more than that, I knew that he'd never keep one. (Even though I could tell that the writing was his, I naively and stupidly thought it was just a joke.) _

_I know Kaoru. He's the type to bottle up everything he feels. He bottles up everything he is, so that others will never find it. It's why I'd completely ignored the possibility that that journal could be genuine. Which is also how I ignored all the "fake" doubts and and worry in there too._

_...Until Honey-senpai told me that he'd recently convinced my twin to keep one. The upperclassman had been watching me with such a piercing and solemn look that he'd seemed even more psychic than Haruhi. It had scared me, that he'd find out something he never should. _

_"Hika-chan, I was the one who convinced Kao-chan to keep that diary. Sorry for keeping it from you. I thought that maybe, just for once, Kao-chan should have something that's only for himself, and none other. It's so that he can write down his thoughts, his feelings, the things that make him passionate and the things that make him hate.__As...an individual. I'm sorry, Hika-chan, but it might be good for him, right?"_

_Does anyone understand what those few sentences meant?_

_Not only does Kaoru need to be separate from me, because it's good for him, but also that everything written in that stupid journal was true._

_And I wondered how Honey-senpai could know so much about my own damn brother, when I didn't. _

_However, I am ashamed to say that even as I wondered, I didn't really give it all that much thought. This-everything about Kaoru-was all pushed to the back of my head, where it would pop up sometimes to bug me, but never before or after. To the me at that time, Haruhi was a more concerning problem. _

_Maybe it was because I was just so used to my twin that I'd deemed the unresolved feelings between me and Haruhi to be more important, because I could always solve the problems between me and Kaoru at a later time...I don't know. _

_What I do know is that I'd always taken him for granted, thinking that he'd always be there when I turn around, smiling encouragingly at me like he always does._

_I still don't know exactly what happened after that to create such a large change in my point of view. Maybe it was when I'd finally read the journal, front to back. Or I guess it could've just been some sort of realization when I woke up from that nightmare, lying on the couch of an unfamiliar and silent guest room in our house, where I'd fallen asleep, prey to my overactive imagination and buried fears. But the result was that, oddly, Haruhi became the temporary, unimportant problem that I couldn't care about anymore. Slowly, my concern for Kaoru began to override everything else, after that night when I'd been thinking too much about him. My mind was consumed, occupied, controlled by thoughts of him. _

_I think it was probably bound to happen one day. I mean, it was a dream of him leaving me, so of course it was gonna happen someday. _

_So I went to look for him, and found him in our room, sprawled on the bed and reading Harry Potter. And all of a sudden, it was like I became hypersensitive to everything he did. Every arch of the brow, flash of emotion in the eyes, twitch of the lips, squeeze of a hand. All of it became everything to me. _

_Maybe it was then that I realized I'd always loved him the MOST through it all. It was thousands, millions, billions times more than I could ever love anyone else. I loved Haruhi, but that suddenly seemed so minuscule. I'd only been magnifying my love for her, and it was just so stupid._

_I have to admit that I'd been terrified to see I could throw everything away, all for my one and only twin. He overshadows everyone else, for some reason that I still don't get now._

_It's highly possible that I might still love her. True feelings don't really change that easily. But, I don't know, my feelings for her just seem so insignificant now that-well, I shouldn't say that they might as well not exist, but it sure feels like it. _

_..._

_Okay, I've had enough emo for today. Time to mess with Kaoru. Later._


	4. Evening, Result of a Lost Bet

Hi guys, I updated really quickly this time! Aren't you proud of me? :DD

Anyway, some special thanks: **WayToDawn49, sunshine, Murasaki Seiko, and Rythica, who was a great help! \(^o^)/**

Aaand...I just realized that I've been forgetting something super important: THE DISCLAIMER! SPARE ME! So I'll say it here, and this goes for ALL THE OTHER (FUTURE) CHAPTERS OF THIS STORY AS WELL! I do not own Ouran. Ms. Bisco Hatori does, so yeah. Deal with it. -half-directed to self. *sobs*

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**Evening, Result of a Lost Bet**

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"Hikaru," the twin groaned. "What the hell are you _wearing_?"

Hikaru grinned. "I'm Haruhi's dashing prince, of course! Why?" The grin dimmed after a lengthy silence, and so he frowned instead, fingering the checkered cloth. "What? Can't you tell?"

Kaoru groaned again and face-palmed. "Can you _not_ see that that's a _dress_?"

The twin-in-a-dress scoffed and said very slowly, as if to a small child, "No, Kaoru...it's a _skirt_." His right wrist flicked at the air, as if to flip his imaginary long hair in a very blond-ish way. "Didn't you know that Scottish men wear this when they play their pipe-bags? It's totally manly. Plus, Kyouya-senpai said that princes from France used to wear this stuff. So I'm Haruhi's prince."

"Hikaru," the younger twin sighed dejectedly at his brother's lack of IQ, and also guiltily because he had probably stolen all of the available IQ before they were born, "it's called a _bagpipe_. Not a pipe-bag. Also, princes in France didn't used to wear that. You were screwed over by Kyouya-senpai. And were you trying to piss me off with that faux hair-flip, or are you really that stupid?" Hikaru opened his mouth, ready to retort-

But right at that moment, the doors to the 3rd Music Room slammed open, and the club king, the evil lord, the cake fan, the dusky man, and the naive little boy-girl walked in. Of course, "walk" is a more general term with which to describe the way the five entered the room. More precise terms would be that they pranced in, flashed in (his movements were so fast, and he moved from shadow to shadow, so that no one could ever really see him...), bounced in, strode in, and dragged-his/her-feet in, respectively.

Almost immediately, Hikaru hurdled over to the naive little boy-girl. "Haruhi! Look! This is my cosplay outfit for today!" And he balled his fists on his hips, sticking out his chest, flashing his dress, uh, _skirt_ at her.

She blinked. "Is that a kilt?"

Hikaru beamed. "Yeah! Like the ones princes used to wear in France-" he flashed a brief glare at Kaoru, who just shook his head, "-and the ones that the pipe-bag players wear and stuff."

Haruhi snorted. "Right. Well, I thi-"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Tamaki screamed and dive-bombed at Hikaru before hurriedly retreating to stand protectively in front of Haruhi. "What the hell are you wearing, you devil of a twin! You are ruining my precious Haruhi's eyes!" He covered said eyes with his hands.

"Uh, that's just a kilt, Tamaki-sen-"

"What are you talking about?" Hikaru hopped up with surprising speed. "This is what the princes wore, you numbskull!"

Kyouya snickered in the corner, but it was such a minuscule, timid little snicker that only Kaoru, who was actively scoping the scene, saw.

"French princes didn't wear that, you _twin_!" Tamaki yelled the term as if it were an insult. Kaoru quietly bristled. He did not want to be put in the same group as Hikaru, if they were arguing about intelligence.

"How would you know that, you useless _lord_!" Hikaru yelled back.

"'Cause I'm half-_FRENCH_, you stupid..._thing_!"

Hikaru blinked. "So? I'm Japanese. That doesn't prove anything!"

"ARGH! MON DIEU, QUE T'ES STUPIDE! JE SUIS FRANCAIS, DONC JE SAIS QUE LES PRINCES FRANCAIS N'ONT PAS PORTÉ CES JUPES RIDICULES! C'EST PAS DIFFICI-"

Honey tried to shout through the pandemonium. "Okay, calm down, now, everyone!"

Tamaki and Hikaru continued screaming at each other. Kyouya had gotten bored of snickering and was typing away at his laptop. Haruhi had slipped out of her senpai's grip and was looking out the window, daydreaming about dinner. Kaoru was in the corner, rocking back and forth, mumbling something like "How could I have done this to Hikaru? Now he's stupid, stupid, stupid, and I should've left some more IQ for him..."

"I said, _**CALM DOWN**_!" Honey shrieked in a very high-pitched, puberty-untouched voice.

Silence.

"Mitsukuni, your blood pressure," Mori muttered.

"Okay then," the small boy said cheerfully, ignoring his cousin. "We shall all share a cake. And then we shall make up. Good?" Everyone except for Kyouya, Haruhi, and Kaoru nodded fearfully at the wide smile on his face. "Good. Now, what about the strawberry? We can't cut the strawberry. The strawberry is sacred. I like strawberries, though, so..."

And so the chaos went on.

* * *

"God, that was tiring," Hikaru immediately unzipped the kilt when they got to their room and flung it, satisfied with the _thwack_ when it hit the wall.

"Hi-Hikaru," Kaoru stuttered. "I have something to say."

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry."

Hikaru stared wide-eyed. "Huh?"

"I'm sorry," the younger twin repeated, his voice starting to shake. "It's all my fault that you're _so stupid_! I hadn't known!"

Eyebrow twitch. "Excuse me?"

Kaoru sniffed. "If I hadn't stolen all the IQ from you when we were in Mother's stomach, this wouldn't have-"

"What the hell, so now you're blaming my stupidity on yourself? Okay, this has got to stop, Kaoru. You can't go blaming everything on yours-WAIT, NO, THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANTED TO SAY! WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M STUPID?"

Kaoru didn't reply, and only sniffed again.

Hikaru sighed at the forlorn look on his brother's face. "Kaoru, that was only an act," He sat down on the bed and put his hand on the younger twin's, much like the other had done at Karuizawa. "It's just that I'd lost a bet to Kyouya-senpai."

"Wh-" Kaoru looked up, his eyes glistening with tears. "R-Really?"

"Uh. Yeah." Hikaru stared incredulously at him. "Are you saying that you'd always thought I was this stupid?"

"N-No!" Kaoru tore his hand from under Hikaru's and swiped it across his eyes. "No, there's no way that I could actually think that you were so stupid! Haha, what are you saying, Hikaru! I know you're not stupid! I know it! I believe it, too!"

Hikaru glared at him.

"Mommy? Why did you make Hikaru do that? And why didn't you tell me earlier that it was because of a bet? I'd actually thought that Hikaru was _like_ that."

Kyouya smirked at the blond. "Because having him act so blond...is so..._stiffening_."

Tamaki stared blankly. "What? I don't get it. Isn't that the wrong use of the word?"

Kyouya's smirk widened even more. "Oh, no, dear Daddy...I meant _exactly_ what I said."


	5. Dawn, Confusion and Halloween

Hi everyone, thanks for being patient! And I'm sorry I was slow again, this time. T.T The next one should be much quicker!

So, special thanks to **ILuvHikaruAndKaoru, Silver-wind-on-moon, Haya Cho, WayToDawn49, and have-a-cookie**! I really hope I didn't miss anyone...

Anyway, this one's more of a saddish one...the next will be cheesy-fluffy, the one after it will be cute-saddish-fluffy, and after that will be a T- or M-rated one. But don't take my word for it! XD Enjoy~

* * *

**Dawn, Confusion and Halloween**

* * *

"Guuhh..." Hikaru groans, face-down. Unable to sleep, I watch him for a bit and consider flipping him so that he won't suffocate himself in the pillow. But I decide against it. He'd just wake up and fuss, anyway. And he wouldn't die so easily, the stubborn bastard. I decide to turn my attention to the window.

I see leaves of warm and nostalgic colors drifting, and immediately regret my decision.

It's the long-awaited season of the falling leaves, when the insouciant breeze shimmies and twists and dances across our faces, freeing our hair. Autumn, the time of the seductive wind that steals away the overbearing heat and regrets of summer. It's the time when the sidewalks and roads, and not just the sky, are slathered with a flurry of red-orange hues; the time when the trees proudly bear their truly naked limbs, reaching with their intimidating branches; the time when the colds come to tackle unsuspecting children and refuse to let go, condemning them to their beds; the time when rich businessmen dig out trench coats from their infuriatingly neat closets, and women fall in love.

It is also the season of ghosts and witches, of the unknown and of nightmares.

Yes, ironic, wouldn't you say? After all, it was during this exact season that I'd decided to hand him over to Haruhi on a silver platter, two years ago.

* * *

_**Saturday night, October 31st**_

_"Hikaru?"_

_"Hm?"_

_There was a slight pause, and the only sound in the shadowed, moonlit room was the rustling of cloth. _

_Kaoru pulled his shirt off, now dressed in only the pants of the school uniform. He focused on an eerie, gnarled tree in their backyard. The starry sky was devoid of all clouds, and the airy, pastel haze of light curtained the lake, the grass, the flowers with a frail complexion. "What did you think of tonight?"_

_He could hear Hikaru pulling off his own shirt now. "Huh? Mm...well, it was okay, I guess."_

_"Oh. I see." Kaoru looked away from the tree, and his hands drifted down to the button of his pants. "I heard that you caused Haruhi some trouble."_

_Rustling from behind him ceased. The younger twin could imagine the heat of his brother's flush warming up the whole room. "Uh...yeah, I did."_

_Kaoru turned towards his twin, and smirked when he saw the tangle of limbs and clothes and the redness of skin. "Wanna tell me what happened?"_

_The crimson on Hikaru's face deepened even further. "It's nothing, really," he muttered. _

_Kaoru waited. Thirty seconds passed before his amused patience was rewarded with a small growl. _

_"Okay, okay," Hikaru relented. "I got stuck in a net with her."_

_Kaoru's smirk faded slightly. So that's what she'd meant when she said she'd cut the ropes. He flashed his red brother a quick smile. "And did you enjoy it?" he teased. He pretended to turn his attention back to unzipping his pants._

_"No," Hikaru muttered. The color faded from his cheeks, and Kaoru looked up in surprise at the genuine response. _

_"Why not?" he asked curiously._

_Hikaru shot him a confused and slightly disturbed look. "Well, you know what she did? She was leaning all over me, and her chest was, like, an inch from my face-" The color blossomed in his cheeks again, while Kaoru's expression faltered and almost darkened, "-and it was-it was embarrassing, and..." he mumbled the last words too quietly for Kaoru to catch._

_"Um, what?"_

_"I-I said that it was embarrassing...and...well, kindofnice," Hikaru nearly sputtered. _

_His twin blinked in awed stupor. "Wow. You are such a pervert. I mean...I knew you were perverted, but not _that_ perverted."_

_"Sh-Shut up! I didn't finish yet!"_

_Kaoru grinned at him. _

_Hikaru glared back. "I'd never been so physically close to a girl before. I meant that it was nice to feel someone else's warmth. She's someone I know we can trust." The younger Hitachiin nonchalantly pushed his pants off his hips, even as his chest tightened, mentally urging his brother to go on. Hikaru growled again. "Anyway, it was okay," he ran his hands through his hair. _

_And then suddenly, his face drained of all color and he stared, hard, at Kaoru with a possessed look. "But it was really bad too."_

_An inquiring look, as Kaoru continued to shimmy out of his pants. _

_"'Cause while I was sitting there with her in a net, waiting for her to just cut the_ damn net_ open, I didn't know where you were."_

_His hands froze. He stared at his brother in shock and slight frustration. "What?"_

_"I said, it was bad 'cause you weren't there." Then Hikaru rubbed the back of his head awkwardly. "I was struggling so violently in there that Haruhi almost couldn't cut the net open."_

_Rolling his eyes, Kaoru grabbed for his pajama bottoms, jaw clenched. "You're such an idiot."_

_And naturally, being Hikaru, he noticed the tenseness in his brother's shoulders. "What's wrong?"_

_The younger twin sighed and climbed into bed. "You're such an idiot. Why would you even care that I wasn't there? It was only for a few minutes, anyway."_

_Hikaru's brow furrowed. "But wouldn't you feel the same? I had no idea where you were for those few minutes. You're my twin. It's...weird when I'm not with you."_

_Kaoru sighed again and turned away. "Never mind. Let's just go to sleep."_

_His brother crawled in beside him. "Seriously, what's wrong, Kaoru?"_

_"I just want to sleep, Hikaru. Stop worrying." Now, he could feel the angered glare burning into his back. A pair of arms wrapped around his waist, a chest pressed into his back._

_"I hate it when you lie to me," a bitter voice whispered in his ear._

_A sour feeling burned in Kaoru's stomach and throat. He didn't turn around, though he wanted to so badly, and they lay there like that for several minutes. Soft breathing slowly turned heavy, and eyelids fell half-mast._

_"Invite me to your wedding, Hikaru," he finally murmured, already near-asleep. The older Hitachiin flinched, his eyes widening. The arms around Kaoru turned the identical body so that his younger brother rolled over, facing him. _

_"What?" he hissed._

_But only a tired, sleeping face met his gaze. He lay there for the rest of the night, pondering what Kaoru could've possibly meant._


	6. Evening, Two Years Later

Hi, again! Wow, I'm updating quickly. It's only been...a few hours since I last posted, haha. You have **Haya Cho** to thank, people!

So, here's the promised fluffy-cheesy one. I must apologize in advance for the cheesiness. Sorry. But I do hope it cheers you up from the slightly-depressing previous chapter!

* * *

**Evening, Two Years Later**

**

* * *

**"And the winner for the Most Improvement of the Year Award...Hitachiin Hikaru, please come up to the stage." A round of applause and teasing whistles breaks through the crowd as the usually-devilish twin strides to the front of the gymnasium, his grin awkward but genuine. The Host Club cheers, and he smirks at them.

At the podium, he stands tall. Kaoru watches with pride from his seat, directly in line with his brother's gaze. But Hikaru's not looking his way. "Um," his twin clears his throat. "So, I won this award for Writing class. Yeah. Thank you to everyone who supported me. I jumped three whole letter grades this year, so I'm very happy." The graduating class laughs. Parents sitting behind them in the audience chuckle. Hikaru grins. "I was asked to read the piece of writing that I'm most proud of, so here it is. I got an A+ on this, by the way. Uh...please enjoy." He clears his throat a last time.

"I jumped up, midnight, grab a pen and scrap of paper from the floor,

Furiously scribble.

Several days of torment, finally, no more,

Had figured out what it was

That was bothering me

Inside me, waged a war.

_Eyes like drops of dew _

_Embedded with colors of changing leaves, _

_The luster of morning sun refracting through moisture_

_Framed with elusive, chocolate lashes _

_Longer than mine._

_Skin, not translucent like most would say, _

_Not as pale as swirling, whirling, dancing flakes of winter, _

_Not as smooth as the intangible touch _

_Of satin cloth,_

_But damn near close _

_And softer than anything _

_Imaginable._

_Lips, not strawberry _

_Nor cherry _

_Nor vanilla-no, _

_Never so utterly feminine, _

_But fleeting and hindering, _

_Soft and coaxing, _

_Like his skin, so seemingly harmless..._

_Yet destruction they create, and _

_Leave behind a fuzzy haze in their wake, _

_Gentle as they are, _

_Rough as they are. _

_Then that smile, those eyes, _

_Warm like a fondly-lit fireplace _

_On a freezing Christmas Eve, _

_As those lips love with a quiet, crescent curve, _

_As his head, just by a degree, tilts to the left..._

_And he glows, not like the bright light during the day _

_Of which we need to survive, _

_But like the fleecy, melodious light _

_Of the night that soothes."_

Hikaru pauses. He swallows nervously, takes in a deep breath, whispering his last line:

_"And the smell of him..._"

Silence. Not a breath is heard in the gymnasium, and imaginations run wild, trying to _see_. The writers among the group attempt to criticize: the lack of a clear theme, the flowery, superficial language, the too-basic organization of lines-but their minds, too, drift in hopes of grasping that person, if it is, really, a person.

Hitachiin Hikaru bows, and heads for the stairs, back to his seat. At his third step down, only four more from the bottom, stunned applause suddenly rises in waves and echoes in the big gym. Wolf whistles from admiring boys and tears from girls who had realized the one he'd been talking about reaches him, and he grins toothily at his brother, who's standing there with arms wide open.


	7. Dead of the Night, Where We Stand

I UPLOADED AGAIN!

**Special thanks: Hazuki-Ichimaru-15, Reed Wright, little-unoriginal-monster, animelvr23, Yumi-chan-likes-chainsaws, WayToDawn49, Kadoku Lin, Haya Cho, ILuvHikaruAndKaoru!**

By the way, people! I FINALLY SET UP A BLOG (with a friend)! Go check it out! I'm planning on uploading a bunch of fanfiction there that I don't upload here (but they're usually incomplete, which is why I'm not all that willing to post it here). Here's the link, and if you'd like, tell your friends! We need more of a community. XD

link: flailingpillows(dot)co(dot)cc

I'm not sure whether it'll show up or not if I post the actually link, so let's just leave it like that. By the way, I'm under the name "Kazusa"!

But anyway, thanks to everyone, and not just those in bold above, who's ever reviewed or fav'd or alert'd, or anything else. You guys are love.

* * *

**Dead of the Night, Where We Stand**

* * *

We stand, hand-in-hand, and watch as the last bit of rust on the lock breaks off and drifts to the ground. It reminds me vaguely of magic powder, like the stuff that a Fairy Godmother would have. The lock disintegrates then, and the gates swing open with a brilliant burst of light. I could vaguely hear the taunting "Hallelujah!" in the background.

We smile, still hand-in-hand, and walk out on to the thin suspension bridge, away from our world. Yes, it is thin, but the concrete-like wood is most definitely stable.

Right foot forward.

Far into the distance, it is night time, though here, I see day. Over there, towering, intimidating buildings stretch high into the sky, reaching ever more desperately for the evasive and glittering stars than I have ever tried. Would you call it realism or its opposite?

Left foot forward.

I see the lack of cars, and wonder for a bit, before deducting that it must be late-much too late for the usual swarm of impatient traffic lights. Instead, the streets seem somewhat deserted, with all its occupants resting in preparation for the upcoming harsh day. This is the only time they can be honest, the only time they aren't judged.

Right foot.

No birds chirp. No squirrels scuttle. Not a single draft blows.

Left foot.

In the sky, half of a moon rises, bears down on the ground. The little tufts of grass growing from between sidewalk cracks seem to stand taller. Dimly-lit alleys don't look as smothering as they did before. The weight of the light seems almost too much for the eerie night to withstand. It is too white, too pure-almost like the light of daytime, when shadows are obliterated and the truth is unveiled.

Right.

Or perhaps, the moonlight is simply too harsh-again, almost like the light of daytime, when all actions are magnified and dramatized. Especially the mistakes.

Or is daylight simply a temporary disguise for the unmasked, relaxed truth of night time? I'm not sure.

Left.

Which would daytime be? Truth, or lie?

Right.

By now, we have reached the exact half-way point of the bridge. Our steps are in sync, right with the right, left with the left. Our fingers are twisted around each other's casually.

Ahead is spacious shadiness. Behind is forgotten denial.

Then he turns to me, and I smile at him. I pry my fingers away from his, and lift a palm to his back. His eyes widen, as if just realizing now. I apply more force. To catch his balance, his left foot steps out and catches him, even as alarm fills his eyes. My right foot steps back at the same time.

I smile at him again, a true smile, and I can feel my muscles softening as my lips curve upward. Involuntarily, as if it had shoved him, his left foot steps out. His mouth opens, and he says something to me with tortured eyes, though I can no longer hear him.

My right hand raises in a wave. He continues to step forward, gaining momentum, control over his legs no longer his-he glances at me past his shoulder, and I can feel his silent pleading as I don't stop retreating, waving all the time.

Heavy, wet mist settles over us. And I can no longer see him, my feet having brought me once again to the open gate. Finally, I turn, and face the endless plains. I see blue-purple flowers here and there, but they do nothing to comfort me. Marshmallow wisps float overhead, in the vast blueness. They too, don't stir a single emotion in me. A delicious breeze tousles my hair, and I close my eyes to try to identify a scent somewhere that might appeal to me. Unsurprisingly, I am disappointed.

I cross the gate, then turn once more towards the direction where I'd last seen my older twin. With my own two hands, I reach out to the cold metal and slam them shut with a firm clang. There is no longer a lock there, but it would have been unnecessary, in any case.

—Since this is of my own free will.

* * *

Hands are shaking my shoulders frantically. "Kaoru! Oi, Kaoru, goddammit!"

No light penetrates my eyelids. All around, darkness suffocates me. I blink, seeking light. "Huh?" My voice is hoarse, for some reason. My head is throbbing.

Hikaru growls, somewhere above me. "I had a really bad dream." His hands are still shaking me in a slightly violent way.

"Um..." I blink again. Why would he be shaking me so angrily, in the middle of the night because of a bad dream? Normally, he'd try to endure it himself before waking me up so thoughtlessly. "Do you want to talk about it? Is it about Tono? Haruhi?"

He won't stop glaring. "No! It was about you!"

I study his expression. "...Oh. Did I do something?"

"No _shit_ you did something," he hisses at me, and leans in close. I notice now that he's straddling me, and I try to sit up, but his hands are pinning down my shoulders. "You know what you did? You _left_, that's what. _You_ left _me_ there in the outside world."

His disbelieving eyes whisper to me what he hadn't said aloud. _All alone._


	8. Dusk, After Work—An Alley

Hi guys! I updated like I said I would. WARNING: THIS SHOT IS M-RATED! PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU'RE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH M-RATED SCENES!

Don't say I didn't warn you. But anyway, I hope you like all like it!

**Special thank-yous to: nicluvly, WayToDawn49, DarthxInvader, Lecture, ILuvHikaruAndKaoru, Yumi, Hazuki-Ichimaru-15!** Awesome people, you are.

* * *

**Dusk, After Work**—**An Alley**

**

* * *

**

It was all Kaoru's fault. Everything was Kaoru's fault.

That white-hot jealousy and anger coursing through me, every single time I thought about it—all his fault. I was betrayed by Kaoru. My own twin had turned his back to me. I liked Haruhi, and yet he pulled such a backstabbing action on me when he knew it, knew it better than I did myself.

_The first time he'd ever kissed anyone but me._

But there was a helpless feeling that had surfaced, one I couldn't help but hate. The weird thing was, it hadn't been directed to Haruhi. Every single emotion I'd felt during that instant when I saw him kiss her had been caused by the fact that Kaoru was in the picture. The jealousy that she had been kissed by _Kaoru_ and the anger from _his_ backstabbing had nothing to do with her. And then there was that helplessness, too, directed at him.

Motionless, as I hadn't been able to do a thing when those lips touched her cheek. It wasn't a big deal, and yet it was.

Eventually, that helpless feeling turned into a fear that Kaoru was drifting away from me, and I realized then that that fear had transformed into something _wrong_. It definitely wasn't a lover's jealousy I'd felt. It was just fast and furious anger that anyone would dare to take away my Kaoru, my twin. He who had always been with me, and he who would _always_ be with me. Those without twins would never be able to sympathize with how I felt then. Even those who did have twins probably couldn't have either.

I was betrayed, furious at Kaoru for kissing her behind my back. I was jealous of him for kissing her, jealous of her for being kissed by him. And I was angry that he would allow someone to take him away from me.

Gradually, that last, little reason for my anger turned into something like a wildfire, a burning fueled by oil that wasn't put out even when I got over Haruhi and we found each other. It only flickered when we became closer and more aware of each other...but at night, that unmistakable powerlessness would resurface to bug me as we lay in bed together. Yes, it was during the night that the fire thrived, fear that he would leave me, uncertainty that he might allow something to lure him away.

And if it were now...if it were now, and I saw those lips that belong to _me_ touch anyone else...

I would...

_I would_...

...

...

...

I don't know.

That's the scary part.

* * *

"Stop i-ah—" Kaoru thrust into the hand that was fisting him, his ass accidentally grinding into the hardness behind him when he squirmed. Hikaru groaned, his hand gripping the younger twin even tighter.

"D-Damn," he panted, his hand speeding up.

"Ah!" Kaoru cried out, hips bucking. "I said, s-stop...already—" A thin trickle of sweat rolled down his neck and on to his exposed chest. The hard cement wall scraped his skin, barely holding him up. His unbuttoned shirt hung open around his torso and caused a quick breeze to blow against his sensitized cock each time his hips jerked involuntarily.

"S-Stop already, you h-horny beast! Not-ah-here!"

Hikaru only let out a dark laugh. "It's your fault, so don't try to blame me," he murmured, voice hitching at a particularly strong backward thrust of the ass that was rubbing against him.

"Wh-What?"

"That's right...it's all your fault, Kaoru," he repeated, then removed his hand from his twin's hardness and viciously tugged down the already unbuttoned jeans. Without warning, he drove two of his precum-slicked fingers into the tight hole and slammed right into Kaoru's prostate. The younger's entire body jolted and he whimpered loudly, muscles clenching around the thrusting digits. Hikaru grit his teeth at the tightness and impatiently added his third finger, scissoring roughly. Kaoru flinched at the uncomfortable feeling, startled at his twin's seemingly deeper-than-lust desperation, and looked over his shoulder at the identical face.

"Hi-Hikaru?" he managed to force out, lust threatening to make him lose his mind. His prostate was hit again, and the pitch of his moans increased, but he held on tightly to that last bit of sanity left in him. "Hi-ohhh...Hikaru..." Half-lidded golden eyes looked up to meet his. Seeing those smoldering eyes helped Kaoru gain an advantage on his losing battle. "Hikaru, is-ah-something...wrong?" Eyes widened at his twin's perception, even when the submissive was so far gone he almost couldn't think, so far gone, but he couldn't help but care...

A strange bitterness rose in Hikaru then, and he pulled out his fingers swiftly before slamming his own hard, dripping member into Kaoru. The younger twin nearly screamed from the pleasure. His fingers scratched at the wall he was roughly pressed to, raised nipples brushing against cement. The older Hitachiin pulled out and drove back in as hard as he could, again and again, not missing the prostate even once, and Kaoru could only claw the wall, almost sobbing from the sensations radiating from his core. They were both so aroused from the foreplay that it only took a few more deep thrusts became they came, Kaoru shouting his climax, Hikaru's teeth sunk in his shoulders. The younger twin was so overwhelmed that he barely heard the fierce "_Mine_" hissed into his ear as their last couple of thrusts died off.

Slumped against some wall in a common alley, the high left them light-headed for several minutes. His breathing still slightly unsteady, Kaoru rested his head against his twin's shoulder in sated abandon. "Hikaru?" he asked quietly.

The older twin didn't reply, opting to gingerly pull out instead and detach himself from Kaoru. His hands brushed over his clothing as he began to straighten his pants, attentively silent.

"Hikaru."

"Stop saying my name."

"Hikaru, seriously, what's wrong?" Kaoru turned from the wall to fix his brother with a still slightly-glazed, questioning stare. "C'mon, tell me."

"Nothing's wrong."

"You can't lie to me. Stop trying. Now tell me what's wrong, for the last time."

Hikaru sighed. "I said it's nothing, already." With that, he strode to the opening of the alley and turned left into the open, brightly-lit street, leaving Kaoru to stare after him.


End file.
